Raising Confident Kids: Lead by Example (Audiobook Transcript)
Chapter 5: Lead by Example
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Children naturally imitate the adults in their lives—it’s their way of learning and connecting. Think back to your own childhood. Did you ever pretend to go to work, or imagine taking care of a make-believe home? This process of social learning is powerful, and as you think about your child’s attempts to mirror you, it’s hard not to smile at their sincere efforts.
From an early age, children model their behavior after you in all sorts of ways. For instance, even newborns start to copy facial expressions within hours, so when you smile at your baby, they’ll instinctively try to smile back.
As they grow, they pick up on the sounds you make, trying to replicate them—especially if you repeat the sounds that they’re experimenting with. They’ll mimic your actions, too, like holding a phone or brushing their hair, and they quickly learn to echo your tone of voice and words.
Through playful games and role-playing, they start to practice real-life skills, imitating you in their own creative ways. By simply observing and interacting with you, they’re building confidence and laying the foundation for their own unique personalities.
Seeing that children learn a lot by observing the adults around them, especially their parents, it's prudent to be cognizant of the influence that we have. Negativity is likely to breed negativity. However, when children see you approach life positively with self-respect, resilience, and humility, it teaches them that confidence doesn’t mean being perfect; it means having a steady belief in oneself, even when facing setbacks. By modeling this kind of strength and self-compassion, you give your children a silent but powerful lesson on self-worth.
As parents, demonstrating a balanced, positive self-image becomes an essential part of raising confident kids. At the risk of sounding redundant, I'll repeat, this isn’t about appearing flawless but about showing grace in your imperfections. When challenges come, show them how you respond with patience, acceptance, and a growth mindset. You might share small reflections with your child, such as, “Today was tough, but I’m proud of how I kept going,” or “I made a mistake, but I learned something from it.”
By allowing them to see your journey toward growth, you communicate that self-worth is not dependent on being flawless but on continually striving.
I love the encouragement in Isaiah 40 verses 29 through 3. It says, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” You might share this verse with your child in simple terms, saying, “Sometimes we all get tired or make mistakes, but when we have hope and patience, our strength can grow back even stronger.”
Teaching them that strength and resilience are renewed through patience and trust in God can help your child see that everyone—including adults—are continually learning and growing.
A very effective way to model this concept is by using kind language when you talk about yourself in front of your children. Avoid saying things like, “I’m terrible at this” or “I’ll never get it right.” Instead, say things like, “I’m still learning” or “I can keep improving with time.” These small adjustments in language can have a significant impact as your children begin to mirror your approach.
Here’s an exercise to help this sink in: Each evening, sit with your child and share one moment from the day when each of you showed resilience. Ask, “What was one thing you did today that was hard but that you’re proud of?” This practice encourages them to reflect on their own growth while also observing that you, too, are a work in progress.
I remember sitting in an audience for a talk about teaching resilience to children, especially when they face failure or disappointment. The speaker, a local psychiatrist, was addressing a room full of mental health professionals who worked closely with families. One point she made really stuck with me. “It’s important,” she said, “for children to sometimes see their parents fail. They need to witness how their parents cope with mistakes and disappointments.”
She went on to explain that when children never see their parents struggle, they can start to believe that they themselves need to be perfect. This can lead to higher anxiety as they grow up, feeling that any mistake is a failure. But when children see their parents mess up and then handle it with resilience, they learn a powerful lesson. They begin to understand that it’s okay not to be perfect and that mistakes are a part of life. Watching their parents adapt and problem-solve helps them develop their own tools for handling challenges.
Let’s look at another real-life example to illustrate this. Sarah, a mother to ten-year-old Lucy, found herself in a moment where she had to model patience and self-compassion. Sarah was working on a DIY project when she accidentally broke a piece she’d been carefully crafting. Lucy saw her mom's face redden in frustration and then she watched as her mom took a deep breath, and simply said, “Well, that didn’t go as planned, but I can fix it or start over.”
Later, Lucy asked her mom, “How do you stay calm when things don’t go right?” Sarah replied, “It’s okay to feel disappointed, but I remind myself that mistakes are part of learning, and the important thing is to keep trying.”
By modeling self-respect and resilience, you show your children that self-confidence isn’t about never making mistakes; it’s about growing and finding strength through every experience. Leading by example in this way helps them approach life with grace and self-assurance, knowing that they don’t have to be perfect—they just need to keep growing.
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Raising Confident Kids: 6 Keys to Self-Esteem and Purpose Chapters:
Chapter Five - Lead by Example
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